i realize you're only half orangutan, but i'm still allergic to your lustrous, ginger mane.

I'm cutting it close here, but for at least the next hour, this video is a good depiction of who COULD be named to the US worlds team.  Yeah, I know Sami is out, and some girls have WAY better chances than others, but I don't care. 

A little preview of what the Americans have to offer.  Even Sami, bless her busted little foot. 

no one's pure evil! i mean, yeah, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center.

A gymnastics cold war is coming.  Do you hear it?

"Ugh, but Bross isn't ARTISTIC!"

"Have you SEEN Nabieva's vault?  BARF CITY!"

"Dude, once Komova and Grishina become legal, ho boy, you don't even know.  You don't even KNOW!"

"Whatever, you dumb Commies.  Have fun crying while your team blows the gold medal, AGAIN." 

"Whatever DUDE.  The Americans have blown the last two Olympics golds, IDIOT."

 All countries have their strengths and weaknesses, their stars and their headcases.  Some are what we like to call "code-whores" and win all of the time, and then there are those who are beautiful and unique, but never win, because beautiful and unique doesn't really mean shit anymore in gymnastics.  With all of these CRAZY differences, will there ever be one universal issue that spans all countries equally?  That all fans can bash each other over in fairness?

Yes, my friends.  And that issue is

BUTT SHELVES. 

Obviously, the Americans are HUGE offenders of the butt shelf.  

 But how do the other countries stack up?

The Russians have come into some shelving of their own.  Semy, our own saucy little bitch of a minx, has quite the butt shelf.  

They seem to have a quite literal interpretation of the word "shelf."  I could literally stack a bunch of books on Semy's ass.

The other girls seem to have gotten the memo.  Here we see different levels of assstickouttitude.

The Americans and the Russians are frequent offenders of the butt shelf rule, it's true.  However....

The Romanians wrote the BOOK on butt shelves.

These are your more traditional examples of the butt shelf.  The Romanians, however, have an even more aggressive model-

The bend over.

I just, I don't even know what to say about that.  I suppose we've seen stranger poses on beam.  Or Bross' floor.  To each their own.

As always, there seems to be a little Romanian influence on our wee Chinese ones.

So there you have it.  International butt shelves, the universal issue.

maybe i should have covered my mouth when i sneezed blood the second time

I spend a lot of time on the internet, it's no secret.  Much of that time is spent chatting on gym boards, or catching up on the latest and greatest gym vids.  So, if you're as much of an obsessed follower as I am, there is  no avoiding the endless debate going round and round and round.  Russia vs. America.  Think about it.  Gutsu vs. Miller.  Mag 7 vs. the crying silver medal Russian team.  Patterson vs. Khorkina.  Weiber vs. Komova.  And of course, Bross vs. Mustafina.

Now, the general consensus is while the Americans are more powerful and consistent, the Russians are clearly more artistic.  There's no argument on floor.  The Russians are obviously on the fast track to awesome town, while, short of Mattie Larson, the Americans need serious help.  But, the tables turn on vault.  Aside from one stuck Amanar that we've seen, the Russians are... how to say this politely... iffy.  Meanwhile, the US has some monsters on the event.  Good monsters, like Lady Gaga monsters.

But then there's beam.  Good old beam, who separates the winners from the losers.  However, what if the two gymnasts in question are EXACTLY THE SAME on beam?

Take Bross and Mustafina.  People argue that Bross has no artistry, while Musty is the pillar of Russian beauty.  People marvel that Bross is the pinnacle of consistency, while Musty is hit or miss.  Execution, form, fall, stick, BLAH BLAH BLAH. 

Hasn't anyone else noticed that they do essentially the same routine?

I mean, let this be a testament to modern gymnastics.  We thought Romania circa 1993-2000 had cookie cutter routines?  WRONG.  Those are creative masterpieces compared to what we've got today. 

So yeah, fight to the death over who will emerge victorious come this year's worlds.  But I think they're kind of exactly alike.





*I got the idea from this awesome Cata v Patterson montage.  We need more comparison videos!

because there's never an excuse for stirrup pants!

I know I've been going crazy with the montages, but you have to understand, I have a lo-ho-hooooooot of time on my hands.  Obviously.  So really, all I have to do all day is watch Glee and make montages. 

I'm getting more pumped over Team USA.  They are solid.  Routines are starting to get just a *tad* more creative.  The requisite 10 second dance passages are getting much better. 

I still hate the leap passes though.  But that's not an American thing.  That's just a general, worldwide hate thing.

simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo, who refuse to mate.

So, I know I post a buttload of montages.  And I always think each one is the greatest thing I've ever done, because I'm a nerd like that.

But this seriously is the greatest thing I've ever done.

The USA has some ballers coming up.  And while I know we all mourn the loss of "artistry" and all things pretty gymnastics, seeing someone just nail a monster skill can be pretty inspiring.  Dare I say... artistic?

Not to get all Tyra, but these girls are FIERCE.

Bum ba bumm... Ba dah BUM.