that's my man and his legs don't work!

It was announced yesterday that Nastia Liukin would be starring on the "hit" CW show "Hellcats."

 
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't watched every episode since the pilot.

So imagine my excitement when I heard the news.

"Hooray!" I thought.  "Nastia, being a former elite level gymnast, will surely be able to pull off some awesome gymnastics-themed plotline on the show!" 

The possibilities are endless!  Maybe she would play a rich, bitchy rival cheerleader.  Or at least be one of the nameless background cheerleaders, I don't know.  I'm either given her too much credit, or the show not enough, but I think Nastia would be able to pull off a number of characters.

So why does she always get stuck playing herself??

If she's only on the show for five seconds to hawk sandwiches, I'm going to lose it. 

I felt the same way when she "starred" on Make It or Break It.  Let me start by saying that you could cast the entire show with real gymnasts, and it would be infinitely better than it is now.

Tell me Alicia wouldn't make a fabulous bitch.  The producers don't know what they're missing by not doing this.  And with Jade as Kaylie, you would be able to have all sorts of emotional scenes.  It's win-win.

But no.  They drag Nastia in to play Elfi Schlegel.

How flattering.  An announcer in a Barney suit hawking more sandwiches.  It's downright shameful.

Which is why I think Nastia, and her creeper agent, need to get her in some real roles ASAP.  Here are a few she has already missed out on.

Again, she could have been a real gymnast on Make It or Break It.

And sticking with the gymnast/cheerleader theme, she would have been a fine pre-Britney on Glee.

Or Bring It On.

She could easily pass as a slutty college student

Plus, if she finds scripted characters too difficult, there is always the option of reality television.

She already has a bigger poof than Snooki

And I think she'd be a real hit on The Real Housewives of Plano.

So many possibilities!  So Nastia, Creepy Agent, producers.  Get on this.  Bags of money are waiting.

at least i don't have to listen to his stupid theories on how super mario brothers changed civilization.

And yet, another montage.

Maybe I need a break or something.  I'm just not feeling so motivated.  I keep starting them, and then scrapping them.  And what I do finish, I'm not thrilled with.  Like this one.  I like it an appropriate amount, but... meh.  I'm just no good with slower videos.  But it's like, what, am I just NOT going to make a montage to the Glee version of "Dream On"?  As if. 

Whatever.  Here it is.

It's just sort of a mishmash of people who have been/are in the running for the next few years.  I'm generally not a huge fan of videos with long, drawn out clips of routines we've all seen a billion times, but I ended up using them anyway.  It was also hard to find videos that matched the intensity of the song, you know?  The most exciting thing I could find was Nastia winning, and while that was thrilling and all, it was almost two years ago.  In the words of Eddie Murphy/Janet Jackson:

 "What have you done for me lately?"

I want something new, something thrilling.  I waited for the NBC Pac Rim coverage, but then I remembered that nothing exciting happened there either.  So what's a girl with no life to do?

More Glee montages.  Probably.

because there's never an excuse for stirrup pants!

I know I've been going crazy with the montages, but you have to understand, I have a lo-ho-hooooooot of time on my hands.  Obviously.  So really, all I have to do all day is watch Glee and make montages. 

I'm getting more pumped over Team USA.  They are solid.  Routines are starting to get just a *tad* more creative.  The requisite 10 second dance passages are getting much better. 

I still hate the leap passes though.  But that's not an American thing.  That's just a general, worldwide hate thing.

i was at the drugstore and they were having a sale on dep. dep is a hair gel. and once again, i'm making fun of your incredibly stupid hair-do.

Hollie Vise.

The original bars/beam specialist.  Oh wait, syke, she's actually awesome on floor, and can throw the same vault as the 3rd best gymnast in the world. 

Not too shabby.

This weekend was an excellent conclusion to a fabulous career.  Some people might choose to remember Vise for holding her shit together while her dream was ripped apart live on NBC.  Not me.  I choose to remember her for being captivating, inspiring, and super duper talented. 

*insert slow clap here*

So join me, as I pour one out for one of the most memorable gymnasts of the past decade.