i'm all about finding a freakish depressed kid and showing them what winning's all about.

Hey guys!  Sorry for the painfully long absence.  I've just been... busy.  With drama.  Well, and a new job, but mostly just uninspired drama.  But, I find myself with a day off, so why not write about what I know best: bad hair!

You'd think that with a few major competitions having passed, that I would have something of value to talk about.  This is not the case.  I could tell you who I enjoyed (Mattie!) or who I am sad about (Sami and her poor knees), who scared the crap out of me (Aly's Amanar) and who had the best butt shake (MLT.)  That stuff is all boring.

What needs to be discussed is this EPIDEMIC of horrifying hair.  It concerns me that girls are waking up, walking over to the mirror, and thinking "Hmmm, how should I wear my hair for this nationally televised competition?  I KNOW!  I'll make it look like I just got banged by a pack of frat guys.  That will really accent my lovely lines."

Harsh?  Yes.  Necessary?  Also yes. 

Case in point:

Number one offender is and always has been Sac.

This is an interesting example.  I can't hate on her too much for this, because at least her hair isn't in her face.  But I do find myself asking WHY?  It looks like she has a bunch of spoons attached to her head via this white scrunchy. 

Some odd years later, we have found ourselves with this:

Again, I mean, to be fair her hair is out of her face.  I will give her that.  But WHAT is going on with the rest of this??  Her hair appears to be like a third the size of her actual head.  And it looks stabby.  But I am kind of digging on the little braid she had in there.

If I may get shallow for a minute, we can all admit that we live in a very visual world.  You are often judged on your appearance.  Especially in these corporate days, when everything is about what you can sell, and how much money you can make.

Sac is super marketable.  She has the complete package, and would make whatever sponsors a ton of money.  Hopefully once the media identifies more with her comeback, as opposed to the dreaded BEIJING BEAM FALL of 08, she'll rake in some corporate dough.

However, if it were me, and I'm in charge of some super profitable tween product and I'm paying Sac the big bucks to be the face of said product, I am FORCING her to fix her hair.  Apathy does not sell.  Complacency does not sell.  A girl who is beating the odds and doing everything she can to erase this negative experience she had shouldn't look like she just ... doesn't care.  She should look fierce and awesome and ball-busting.  The eagle's nest is not ball-busting.

Onward.

Our newest little sass queen, Miss Mattie Larson, fell victim to the wannabe bed head on the second night of Nationals.  (Visa Championships?  Tampax Championships?  Accutane Championships?  Bump It Classics?)

Here's my theory.  I say this only out of love, and because we've all been there.  You spend X amount of hours straightening your hair, and making it look awesome, which hers did, on the first night.

I love love LOVE this look.  Relaxed, yet natural.  Very flattering.  It is also secured tightly out of her face, while not being so pulled back and daring to succumb to the controlled cliche that is gymnastics.  Because we just couldn't have that. 

Anyway, we all know what it's like to spend all that time on your hair.  All night long, you get complimented on how awesome your hair looks.  So, what, you're just going to go home and RUIN your artwork by taking a hot shower and washing it?  I think not.

The best of us have mastered the art of getting in the shower, washing everything that needs to be washed, and not getting one hot drop of water in our hair.  Without a shower cap.  Do those things even exist?  I think they're like leprechauns.

Oh, the accomplishment you feel.  It's like defying the hair gods.  You will get away with wearing your newly straightened hair, come hell or high water.

But then the next day rolls around, and it's just... not the same.  You try to get it to look as awesome as it did before, but it just won't.  So, in desperation, we all resort to that ugly, flipped under ponytail look.  It happens to all of us.

Which is why I won't judge Mattie so harshly, not just yet.  We'll see how she looks come worlds.  If she, for some reason, finds worlds the appropriate venue to wear a rat's nest hairdo, then we will have issues.  


In all my hair harshness though, I'm surprised that I don't hate Sloan's hair.  I don't love it, but it doesn't bother me.

It's out of her face, priority number one.  Yeah, it's obvious she's spending a lot of time to make it look messy, ON PURPOSE, but it doesn't look bad.  It's an appropriately sized and shaped bun, and it creates a nice line.

And that's really what it's all about.