A random girl's random gymnastics ramblings.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Mary Lee's House of Pain: Part Three

Welcome to the third installment of Mary Lee's House of Pain!  I know you were all tuning in just to see what Sophie Lee was wearing, so here you go.  Pink. 

We catch up with the girls during their morning stretch.  Amelia and Lexie Lee are on the struggle bus, but McCool has bigger fish to fry. 

Now, while seemingly shocking, I think we'd all be lying if we said we hadn't been sat on by a coach at some point in our lives.  I know I have been.  That said, did your coach ever look like she was taking a huge dump on your back while holding a dog wearing pink?  Because mine never did. 

Mary Lee lines up her crew and publicly berates Poof for not being emotional enough on her birthday.  She also promises her a special surprise for ONLY HER (read: no other bitches are getting cake on this day.)  MLT grills Poof on what emotion she might be feeling, and when Amelia answers, Mary Lee freaks out on her. 

Everyone is smiling except for Mary Lee.  What a wasted opportunity to teach everyone about emotions!

Time for beam.  The girls all seem to be working at the same pace, but MLT decides to ride Poof for wiping her hands too much.  She reiterates that this is a chance to try and teach competitive ability while arbitrarily picking times for girls to pretend that THIS is the time that counts. 

Watching Lexie Lee never fails to boggle my mind.  She totally bucks the trend of gymnasts looks so much younger than they are.  She is the one gymnast I have ever seen in my life that looks significantly older than she really is.  I am constantly reminding myself that she hasn't even competed as a senior yet.  When I see her, I just assume she's in her 3rd-4th year at Bama. 

Mary Lee is focusing on Amelia, and how her mental strength as a beamer is really her greatest weakness.  OK. 

Shout out to Amelia's hair.  This is perfectly acceptable for workout.  NOT for competition. 

Mary Lee points out her own "strength of passion."

"My strength of passion and leadership and aggressiveness sometimes makes me say things that I shouldn't say." 

We visit the clock saga real quick.  MLT brings in a gym dad to fix the precious clock.  Although this is either happening on a different day, or Sophie Lee had her first costume change of the day, because she's wearing a red number as opposed to #hotpink.  That or she pissed herself on Mary Lee's mats.

MLT works with Abigail, a pretty girl with a cute training leo.  Abigail appears to be exhausted, but Mary Lee lauds her tireless work ethic and explains that doing skills while exhausted is what builds strength. 

Some little girl is just climbing on shit in the middle of the elite UB rotation.  Which is shocking, because we know Mary Lee cares so much about safety. 

WHO IS THIS GIRL??  And why is she there????  I am hard pressed to believe that even MLT is cool with random kids just strutting around playing on the UB rigs in the middle of the elite workout. 

But then again, Mary Lee also lets Sophie Lee just chill on the spotting block WHILE she's spotting, so who the fuck knows.  Someone is going to break here; it's either going to be an elite or that dog. 

Lexie Lee does a few more 1/1 layout (???) dismounts, while Mary Lee tells her to "Feel the smoothness down there!"

Lexie Lee and I have the same face right now.

This is what being coached by Mary Lee Tracy on vault looks like.  MLT tries to harass Amelia for not really knowing the answers to her questions, but that sassy Meals gives it right back to her.  It's still tiring to hear Mary Lee constantly question her athletes' ability to learn things. 

Clock Dad explains to MLT that he'll have to send out for a new power supply in order to save the busted clock.  Mary Lee looks alternately relieved and horrified.  Thrilled that the piece of shit clock can be saved, but how will she time bathroom breaks now??

The most interesting part of the episode belongs to Dominic Zito running Amelia through her new FX.  I'll let you all come up with your own opinions of the routine.  I will say that I am impressed with Zito's attempt to choreograph different intricacies into his routines, redundant as they might become when we see them on every single nation team girl in the upcoming years.  Amelia's performance seems to be half Lobaznyuk- half Memmel.  The quality of music is very 1995 America's Best, so one hopes that maybe they just needed a MIDI version for this show. 

The best part is watching 800,000 rec kids pack into the floor area.  Some kids are doing forward rolls on the tumble track because, hell, why not? 

We wrap up with Mary Lee's promised lunchtime treat for Poof, presented by Lexie Lee Tracy. 

It appears to be a shoddy piece of cake, but as our cameraman points out as the camera fades,

"It's probably a dog treat for Sophie."

He said it, not me.  


  1. camera guy totally knows whats up. and by whats up i mean that mlt is bat shit crazy. she is both my idol and my crack.

  2. I have worked with MLT once a year for several years now and have watched Lexie and Amelia attitudes become more prominent over the years. I have seen them hide cookies in their hoodies when MLT wasn't looking and smile at each knowing she wouldn't approve. I love your perspective of MLT and this series. Thank you so much!!

  3. I literally laughed out loud while reading these. Your commentary on these videos makes them even better. Hilarious. These have also made me a fan of Amelia - I love how she deals with MLT's crazy. Awesome.

  4. Yup. I agree-MLT's got several bats missing from her belfry, and it really seems like Amelia and Lexie know it.

    1. Straight from the source: watch when she talks about her coach http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=relmfu&v=ACUPs0wcuXE

  5. I noticed there's a few juniors/new seniors that look more like their age or older, rather than younger. Don't know what it means but it's interesting.

    MLT is so batshit. It's bad when some kids cry, okay when others do, and bad when other don't...I think I'd go insane if she was my coach.

  6. im glad im not the only one who thinks lexie looks like she's been competing at alamaba or georgia for the past 3 years!

    i think it's the fake tan

    1. She's f-ing orange for heaven's sake...most things that look like leather have some age to them.

  7. Love your recaps. I'm starting to hope that in the next episode Sophie Lee Tracy is seen running up toward the vault or jumping into the middle of a tumbling pass. I love dog nonsense.

  8. Where did the first two recaps go?

    1. ^This. Also, how did I completely miss #3?

  9. Ooh, Spanny I need you to go to the (public) CGA FB page and look at the "Elite Christmas" album, where you will discover the real reason for the festival of wine bottles on MLT's counter - SHE NEEDED THEM FOR THE TEAM CRAFT PROJECT. What would the elites do without dozens of empty wine bottles to halfheartedly decorate as part of a dubious holiday craft endeavour? Obviously this requires MLT to drink ALL the wine, for the sake of CHILDREN and ART! (Also, it appears that one of the girls got MLT a "keep calm and drink wine" sign for Christmas. Keep it classy, CGA...) XOXO Stalk-y Anon Tipster

  10. Haha i have the same leo as Abigail... it was a meet gift for last years CGA meet. The meet itself was really rigged and CGA won, but then again, what else is new? Still won AA in my division :) But yeah that recap was perfect, almost exactly what was going through my mind.

  11. There are parts of this I can't follow well-- particularly who has been given what nickname-- because I can't find the first two parts of this anywhere!! Where did they go?

  12. Will you be doing this for part 4? This is so hilarious I'm dying for more of your commentary.

  13. I'm looking for part one and two. I tried google and it said those pages don't exist anymore, am I missing something here?