i recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because i had a very satisfying dream that i once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts.

And I'm back! 

To be fair, I've actually been back for a few days now, but I just needed some time to recoup from such a "fun" trip.  And by fun I mean horrible.  But nevermind all that.  I have my internets back!

Too bad there is NOTHING even remotely related to gymnastics going on right now.  Aside from the Japan Cup, which I admittedly don't know much about, and this weekend's camp that had absolutely zero news come out of it.  The most interesting thing I saw was a group photo with all the girls in their workout leos. 

Something about Becca's leo is so wrong, it's right. 

Make It or Break It should have some of these on their show instead of those weird Nastia collection ones.  I know Nastia has designed some cute leos, but also some duds.  And the duds are all on MIOBI.  I would need sunglasses just to walk into that gym.  Which is totally possible, by the way.  At the Rock, people can just walk right in and stand on the floor, if they'd like.

Let's discuss the season premier of our favorite show, shall we?  There are too many other sites that are great at recapping, so I won't bother with all that.  I'll just point out some of the most noticeable WTFs. 

Obviously, the opening sequence was a huge WTF.  Yeah, you're the big bad Rock girls, we get it.  That said, I'm not sure why they were doing a photo shoot in 80's glam hooker wear. 

It's fair to say the Lauren looks like a tranny here, right?  Colored streaks in your hair and bright red lipstick obviously means you're a rebel.  Ugh, but why purple?  It totally clashes with rust colored "leotard" she has on.  And they couldn't find a slutty ensemble that fits, at least?  This looks bulky on Lauren in all the wrong places. 

Obviously, fit was not the number one priority for the wardrobe staff.

Poor Emily.  Yeeshk.  And poor stunt double.  How are you supposed to tumble with 1/2 of your ass hanging out??  The wedgies that must have produced, ugh. 

Lauren's double doesn't have it much better. 

Oh, another thing we've learned this week: gymnasts love to work out in the dark.  It's way easier. 

I've collected many, many IG mags in my day.  And never once have I see three scantily clad girls on the cover.  Ever.

Like, hi, can we not sexualize gymnasts?  Nevermind that they're supposedly only sixteen in this show.  We all know that you can't respect a female athlete unless she's HOT.

It's not all for nothing, however.  Lauren does a ROCKING scale on beam.  All funning aside, I do like her hands.  Everything else about this picture cracks me up though.  

MIOBI is still the authority on gymnastics accuracy, obviously.  From the super-realistic rips that totally don't look like  grape Kool Aid spots-

-to Lauren doing some barre work on the beam while another girl is seemingly working out on it. 

I'm sure this happens at gyms all around the world.  Such beautiful ballet work...

I had a picture of Lauren flashing Creepy Carter, but the picture bored me.  She's not even wearing a cute outfit.  Pink ruffly boy shorts are so out.  That does not mean, however, that rust colored, buttcheek exposing leotards are in.  Because they're not. 

Give me Bross's leotard any day.