A random girl's random gymnastics ramblings.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Spanny's Fancy ABCs

As you may well know, I gave birth to a wonderful, sweet, perfect baby boy.  Having a child is amazing, a miracle, a real joy.  It's also a huge time suck leaving me with no ability whatsoever to take care of my daily basic needs, let alone maintain a blog.  Showering, taking a dump with the door closed, eating- all expendable.  You know what I have tons and tons of time for?  Reading baby books.  Over and over again.  Same books.  Again and again.  To the point of memorization.

So, as I'm reading Dr. Seuss's ABCs for the GODEFFINGZILLIONTH time, I thought to myself

"You know what would be so much better than this drivel?  A GYMNASTICS version!" 

And thus, a classic was born.


Without further adieu, I introduce to you


 Big A, little a, what begins with A?

American Amanar Attack! 

and Amy Chow, with her pak. 



Big B, little b, what begins with B?

Bela bites a baby when she doesn't do the beam. 

Big C, little c, what begins with C?

Courtney, Courtney, Carly
All crotching the BB.

Big D, little d, what begins with D?

Dominique does daring-doo
While Diva Khorky says boo hoo.

Big E, little e, what begins with E?

Eberle's exercises; pain the eyes can see. 

Big F, little f, what begins with F?

Four floaty Frenchies attempt to do a Def.

Big G, little g, what begins with G?

Grand Gabby gets her golds,
as you can clearly see. 

Big H, little h, what begins with H?

High bar hottie Hambuchen, 
and Henrietta with some taste. 

Big I, little i, what begins with I?

Inbar-stalders, inverts too,
Illusions and Igor, woo!

Big J, little j, what begins with J?

Johnson, Shawn or Brandy,
both were rather dandy. 

Big K, little k, what begins with K?

Khorkina 1, Khorkina 2,
Kohei and Kasamatsu

Big L, little l, what begins with L?

Lilia's lovely leaping
leaves current leap fans weeping.

Big M, little m, what begins with M?

Mckayla Maroney, Munteanu,
Mustafina, Moceanu

Big N, little n, what begins with N?

Nellie's nipping numbers for her new friends again. 

Big O, little o, what begins with O?

Out-of-bounds and overtime, 
tiny little bitch of crimes.

Big P, little p, what begins with P?

Patterson, Ponor too.
Paul made his cabby boo hoo.

Big Q, little q, what begins with Q?
The quick queen of Qatar
can't really do the bars. 

Big R, little r, what begins with R?

A red, regal leotard 
can take you very, very far. 

Big S, little s, what begins with S?

Silivas' sassy splits,
easily the best.

Big T, little t, what begins with T?

Terin turns up on the beams,
and now she's picking Martha's teams.

Big U, little u, what begins with U?

Ugly ugly turning leaps
and Uchimura too!

Big V, little v, what begins with V?

Vika's very victorious with the velocity on her vault.
NOT.

Big W, little w, what begins with W?
Yes.  Yes it does. 

Big X, little x, what begins with X?

X-rays, x-rays, x-rays,
every gymnast gets.

Big Y, little y, what begins with Y?

Big Yurchenko just like Mack
and not a Roche to your back.

Big Z, little z, what begins with Z?

Zamolodchikova.
And that's it.

7 comments:

  1. Thanks for giving me something to read while I am bored at work :-)

    Tamps

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  2. I would buy this book. Fo' sho'.

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  3. As awesome as they all are, I think W is the best. I also like how Kohei found his way in so many of them perfectly.

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  4. This is awesome! From your mad poetry and alphabet skills that influence the gymnastics world in numerous ways, I say forget about Kato: Baby Spanny will be the next Kohei!

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  5. Spantastic! Thanks for the laugh!

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  6. I loved it ! Good to read you again!

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