A random girl's random gymnastics ramblings.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

i thought i smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair...

Gym hair.

I am such a stickler for pretty presentation hair, and this weekend's NCAA finals just about gave me an aneurysm.

I mean whatever.  During workout, wear your hair however you want.  Just keep it out of your face, grips, and coach's face, and you'll be fine.  But during a meet... cmon girls.

I'm not saying get all China and hair clip yourselves to death.

But one or two clips and some hairspray never hurt anyone.

It's maddening.  It really is.  You know what else it is?  Karma.  Because when I was younger, I thought it was super cool to wear my hair in my face, and it drove my poor mother insane.  This is the universe's payback.  Make it "hip" to wear your hair all wackadoo and fro-y to these big meets.

I get it.  The "I don't give a crap" look is in.  People wake up two hours early so they can mold their hair into some mess that looks like they just rolled out of bed.  That's just fine.  But these girls... especially the NCAA ones, kind of defeat the whole look when they top their "I woke up seven minutes ago" look with a face tattoo and 70 hair ribbons.

I know you spent time to look like that.  I know you did.  To me, this is no different than the kids who wear their pants down to their butts, or have the Cousin It look that Justin Beiber kid made so popular.  You look like a tool.  In ten years, you're going to see pictures of yourself, and wonder "what the effing eff?"

Girls, this is the big show.  You have fans, parents, and supporters all watching you.  So why do you allow them to be distracted by your MESSY EFFING HAIR???

Example one.

ASac.  We all know you're cool.  You have as much street cred as any elite gymnast is ever going to have.  You punched a guy out on Youtube.  But does that really make you too cool to do your hair?

I'll give you a pass for the Brown hair, as you were probably just trying to fit in with the other "I think I look awesome" NCAA girls.

But at the Olympics??  Really??

"I'm just at the Olympics, yo.  I'll do what I want.  You tell Martha to take her full ponytail and stick it up her ankle-breaking ass."

Like, I am so not a fan of the Nastia hair poof.

But at least the girl tries.  And I actually quite love the side braid.  It shows that you don't need 400 hair clips and a gallon of glitter to show up for a meet.

Let's touch more on NCAA hair.  Now, if judges are allowed to deduct for leotards and bras and nailpolish, then they sure as shit should be able to deduct for distracting hair.  I'm not saying you should be able to deduct for a Silivas-style makeover.  It's not about preference.  But when the hair is in the gymnast's face, whipping around, I think it absolutely takes away from the overall performance.

Example two.

Kyndal Robarts.  My opinion of Robarts can be expressed best by Santana of the popular hit TV show, and my absolute life obsession, Glee.

"You're about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid. It's exhausting to look at you."

She is so cute, it hurts my face.  I have no doubt that she just defecates sunshine and rainbows.  But the hair.  THE HAIR!!!!  Number one, it looks like she has sideburns.  Two, she's one gasp away from inhaling the ends of said sideburns.  She took the time to do a mini-poof, brand her face and even throw in a cute ribbon.  Did she take extra time to pull the ends out of her bun, and stick them every which way??  Yes she did.

This seems to be the trend.  I might shellac my hair back, but then I'll haphazardly tie an elastic in, and then see how poofy and stringy my hair can become. 

As seen here:


And here:

Yeah, Utah.  I'm talking to you.

Seriously.  Putting your hair in a bun is so NOT hard.  And if you care at all about body line, your hair should probably be in a bun.  A bun like this:

Not this:

Or this:

Or this:

Although I do give Sloan credit for trying.  She is the first in a long time in elite to stray away from the hair straightener and back towards the bun.  Maybe next time.

This is more than just my curmudgeonly old opinion.  If your hair isn't secured well, it could very well just flop out in the middle of a tumbling pass.  And then what are you going to do?

So girls, in summation, not giving a rat's ass = looking like a rat's nest.


  1. You forgot the worst of the lot, Cassidy McComb of Georgia.

  2. Couldn't agree more!! During the super six I was like "Did you just wake up? Were you surprised that you had to be here? Or did you know about this for a while?

  3. They look so incredibly sloppy with their hair like that. I can't stand it!

  4. by the NCAA level, they should look prefessional, not like the rec kids at my gym. I loved this post!

  5. It's a shame that you sacrifice your entire childhood and to a large extent your future joint health to achieve what most teens will never come close to, only to have to listen to a bunch of elitist snobs with nothing better to do than b***h about your non-traditionalist hair style. If they put there heart and souls into gymnastics like these girls, then dammit they can wear there hear any way they damn well please. Good Lord do any of you realize that your snobbery makes you look way worse than any hair style these girls may wear?

  6. Competitively, they're not allowed to wear their hair any way they damn well please. I don't care if they show up with blue hair, as long as their blue hair is out of their face and eyes while they compete. Forget about the tackiness, it's a safety issue.

  7. I'm not sure why gymnasts are by and large anti-buns. I know Nastia's poof evovled from her trying to get her hair into a ponytail that wouldn't whip into her eyes when she twisted.

    Marta is actually really strict about hairdo's make up etc. Alicia used to wear her hair in goofy updos as a junior elite but she was told not to do that when she started competing internationally.

  8. In all fairness, I have a little sister who loves gymnastics and you get deducted for brushing your hair back from your face. I don't blame the gymnast in the first picture, if I wanted gold, I wouldn't let some idiot blogger who doesn't actually know the hours that go into these girls hair worry me. For my little sister I have to wet, brush, gel, brush, braid, gel, hairspray, glitter spray, hairspray, secure, hairspray, hairdryer on her hair. It takes me an hour and a half and her hair isn't exactly the most complicated style when we get there. And also, all you people saying "my god, I can't stand it when their hair is SOOOO sloppy" you try doing a couple of backflips and see if your ballerina bun is still nice and neat.

  9. Also MsJess, they are by and large anti-buns because it's EXTREMELY difficult to stop your hair slipping out of a bun during those routines.

  10. Personally, I think that neat buns are too heavy. I put my hair in a "sloppy" bun so that you can see that I still have hair unlike the "neat" bun that makes you look bald. Of course I do not let it get in my way or obscure my vision. If it is high and tight, it can have some hair sticking out here and there if you please. Save the ballerina buns for the ballerinas. As for me, I'm a gymnast.

  11. I agree and disagree with this post. The hair should be pulled out of face off neck. It just obvious, and reading all the comments, i bet about not even half the people who said crap on here are even gymnasts. I am. The thing i hate most is when i see the girls with sloppy hair, i just hate it. While having the ballerina buns seem practically and logical they really aren't. They start to fall apart in the middle of a routine. and points get deduction. And everyone always says the gymnasts spend their whole life in that dang gym, give them some break. This is very true. But having the hair in the face on neck in unacceptable. My coach would have me doing situp on the bars. (and after a while those are a bitch.) So next time when you say her hair is fine give her a break, or the next time you say, my hair looks amazing when it looks like a bunch of birds just laid eggs in my hair, think about it falling out in mid routine and falling flat on your ass cause it got in the way. Thanks. :)

  12. i do highschool gymnastics, and i think some judges do deduct for having hair in your face.

  13. How to make a neat bun that stays:
    1: Braid your ponytail before you wrap it
    2: Pin as you go instead of wrap-then-pin.
    It's very secure and the braid can make it look pretty cool without being a mess. I'm really not sure why pin as you go isn't a universally known thing, because it works so. much. better.