A random girl's random gymnastics ramblings.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

you smell like craigslist


STUMPY WRISTS, DIE DIE DIE

OK, so I thought the recent USOC London photoshoot pictures were super cute.  So, so, so much better than those creepy mask pictures from pre-Beijing.  


Now, that said, I seriously question the professional ability of the photographer of this latest bunch.  Or the hair and makeup team (if there even was one?)  And the artistic director.  That said, I'm no expert, so who am I to judge?  But you know what I am an expert on?  BENT FUCKING WRISTS.  


I mean REALLY?  Does that not HURT?  I'm tempted to photoshop a basketball on her hand and have her slam dunking.  Do the kids still call it that, slam dunking?  Because unless you are carrying a ball, or spooning up water or something, there is no reason to ever have your wrist in that position.  Ever.


I will give Nastia credit for not wearing pink, a Bump-It, or a pink Bump-It.  Also, I love the lovely arabesque position.  The wrists, however, make it look like she's trying to fly home.  You are not a bird, Nastia Godzilla Liukin.  So stop it. 


Sigh.  I have been defending Jordyn's leaps for some time now.  This is a fine leap, marred by hands that look like they're putting on a puppet show.  You know, one of those shadow puppets you'd make on the wall when you had nothing better to do at a sleepover.  The left hand is a duck, while the right hand is an old man walking.

Now, surely you're asking  

"But Spanny, you seem to hate everything about gymnastics.  Are there any wrist positions that you DO like?" 

Yes, there are!

BAM

LIKE THAT

Oh yeah girl, that's some good wrist right there. 

One day, when I become NTC, I'm going to devise a contraption that prevents girls from flexing their wrists.  A fancy splint of some sort.  It would bend backwards to allow for back handsprings and such, but it would not bend forwards.  Imagine the lines, IMAGINE THEM!!!  It's only a matter of time...  

25 comments:

  1. Bahahaha. This just made my night Spanny. :)

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  2. Spanny for NTC
    This NEEDS to happen!

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  3. the backgrounds on all of these are so messy

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  4. I agree. Angle of the arm also makes a difference, as demonstrated by ASac's tree effort. Such an unflattering photo of Nastia. She's gorgeous but in this shot she looks like a plane about to take off from the runway. I am so annoyed by her yellowy hair. I loved that when Shawn got serious about her comeback her hair colour and cut returned to something much more normal. I would love Nastia to do the same.

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  5. Bless this post. Bless it lots.

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  6. Tooo funny! But seriously, it seems like this shoot was purposely planned to be creepy (young girls leaping over a fluffly phallic hat???) messy (unkempt hair all around), unattractive (the smiles look fake and they have them all posed looking awkward)...OH, and the clothes!!!! OH my, why did everyone buy leggings and baggy t-shirts???? I know there is an ugly leotard epidemic right now, but I'd rather see that than these bizarro 1997-esque outfits. I keep expecting banana clips and those things you would cinch the corner of your shirt in with!
    ps - new to the site - LOVE IT! Thanks for the entertainment and insight!

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  7. They make them for violinists.

    http://www.amazon.com/Virtuoso-Wrist-Practice-Aid/dp/B00460STDU

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  8. Too funny...It really does look like McKayla should be slam dunking a ball.. Couldn't have come up with a better comparison myself!!

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  9. Spanny Tampson rules!

    Tommy Marver

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  10. @Eliza - I totally thought the same thing re: flight. She is clear for takeoff.

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  11. spanny, where could i find the beijing pre-olympic photoshoot?

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  12. Tampson,

    In the first picture of good wrist action, is she standing on a Buckingham Palace guard? That is just weird. Nice wrists, strange place to pose.

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  13. When I cheered, we practiced motions sometimes with forks or butterknives taped to our wrists to prevent flexion. We had to pretend to clap, but it helped. To this day I can hit a straight-wristed V without looking. lol

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  14. @anon 12:50- I googled the crap out of those. But I didn't find them until I went to Getty Images.

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  15. Kyla and Rebecca produced some of the cutest shots in the shoot. Nastia was awful. And Spanny, do not fear - Kathryn Geddert wasn't pleased with those wrists, either.

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  16. Thank God I wasn't the only one who thought this shoot was awful! Their faces looked greasy, their hair wasn't done, they looked unphotogenic as if the photographer couldn't figure out how to pose fit & flexible girls in a way that would be appealing to the eye. I can hit a better leg raise than Aly Raisman can, I couldn't Believe they let the 60 degree angle leg stretch make the cut. Ugh. I was just... not happy with these pictures. What a waste of a trip to Cali.

    BUT. For the positives, McKayla Maroney (sans bent wrists) makes love to the camera, she knows when to work it. Aly Raisman... not so much. Which worries me that her new 'career' will be to appear fun, energetic, and likable on camera if she can't take a decent picture. And why is R.Bross' hair NEVER done?? Okay so maybe there was only one positive...

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  17. You have made me hate bent wrists. you bitch.--gemmie

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  18. Miss Tampson has also turned me into a wrist policewoman. Now I can't watch Shannon Miller on beam from 1994 on...gah!

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  19. Good Lord, those are some creepy-ass masks from Beijing.

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  20. If Rebecca Bross makes the Olympic team, we should give her a makeover! Japanese hair straightning!

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  21. If the worst thing you have to complain about is a gymnasts wrists then I say WIN, for the gymnast:)

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  22. Bad wrists are just as distracting as a lack of toepoint.

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  23. I also hate it! I am a choreographer and get sooooo pissed off when I see the "umbrella" hands!!!

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