The Defection of Douglas: Part Two

The war had begun.

Gabby signs up with agent extraordinaire Sheryl "Make My Taco Pop" Shade, and about 40 seconds later, Team Excalibur comes crying about money owed.

Let's discuss this.

Given the March article, and pretty much each one following it, the fine leaders over at Excalibur have made it abundantly clear that financial rewards are their number one priority. 

Some messages have been muddled.  Randy and Sandy Stageberg, who again for whatever reason are co-starring in this shitshow, want to make sure that everyone knows that GABBY, 16 year old Gabby, owes Dena and Gustavo hundreds of millions of dollars.

Now, one might ask how a minor can rack up such serious debt.  Let's figure it out.

Clearly, some of that was accrued due to training expenses.  The hourly crap that many gyms provide scholarships for, because as we all know, elites don't make the big bucks for gyms- the rec kids do.  So it's safe to assume the cutting the bill for Gabby to train cost the gym exactly zero dollars.

Competition and travel costs?  That shit adds up.  Of course it does.  However, does it add up to $20k dollars?  Unless you're booking private jets and shit, no, it does not.

So where are the extra expenses coming from?

Let's ask my new best friend, Dena Walker. 

Walker has reiterated repeatedly that she was a mother figure to Gabby.  She drove her to the gym, let her play with her daughter, and taught her to swim.  Yes, that sounds worth about $10k to me.

In all seriousness though, let's talk about this.

Let's just say Dena really was a source of comfort or escape for Gabby.  As Team Excalibur was clear to broadcast publicly, Gabby was dealing with some parent issues at home.  We're to believe that Dena was this great trusted adult to Gabby during her time of need.

*language alert*

So then WHY THE FUCK is she coming around asking for something in return??  I fully expect an itemized fucking tab, complete with mileage charges because clearly Dena was a chauffeur, chef, and nanny for hire, and not a parent doing this out of the kindness of her heart.  

Don't fucking run around and pretend to be a trusted adult to a child only to turn around and air her dirty laundry, and then demand financial retribution for your "kindness."

Newsflash: if you are coaching in search of fame and money, you are in the wrong business.  If you are helping out a child in need in search of recognition and money, you're just a bad fucking person. 

I think back to my own childhood, which was admittedly pretty fucked up. My parents were going through their own shit, which as we all know isn't fun for any kid to deal with.  It was a rocky time for all of us.  However, I was fortunate to have a best friend with intensely generous and thoughtful parents.  When I think about every meal I was fed, every vacation I was brought along on, every additional security I was allowed to experience because of these exceptional people, it makes my chest hurt.

They didn't have to do that.   It's expected of you not to be a shitty parent to your own child, but there's nothing that says you have to be generous and caring of their friends.  Anyone who does that does so by their own accord. 

What if tomorrow, my BFF's mother came to me explaining that I now owed her family X amount of dollars because of the time and money they invested in me?

I'd be fucked.

But lucky for me, and most people everywhere, adults didn't "care" about me with the belief that they'd ever get anything tangible out of it.  Gabby wasn't so lucky.  Clearly, the people that she and her family trusted her with have the expectation that Gabby now owes them for their generosity. 

So let's talk about payback.

Again, cue Randy and Sandy Stageberg, who are the go-to expert on everything financially Douglas.

Gabby doesn't owe one fucking red cent.  Maybe her mother does, and if that's the case, which I expect it's not because something would have been done about it long ago, then the gym should sue for the millions of billions that they believe they deserve. 

But as it stands, not a whole lot of people are in the business of charging children for services rendered.  I am having a hard time thinking of one private school that would hold a child personally responsible for tuition, nor am I aware of any companies that would open up a line of credit for a minor. 

Perhaps Sandy would have no qualms about pilfering off of her own daughter for financial gain, who knows.  What we do know is that Randy and Sandy Stageberg seem very invested in Gabby's financial interests.

I'm sure that Sandy is a completely impartial third party.

Oh.

When I was a kid, I used to tell my mom that when I was rich and famous, I was going to buy her a castle and limos and a hundred million different things.  My sister and I would fight about it, arguing who would buy our mom the biggest and best thing.  My mom smiled and let us blather on, as good mothers do.  Until this one day.  One day I was blabbering on about how once I made my jillions of dollars, then my mother would never have to worry about money again.  Wouldn't that be great?!  She looked me square in the eyeball, and said

"I would rather eat catfood than take money from my child."

Obviously I thought she was batshit crazy.  But as I got older, I got it.  I get it.  I can only pray that in time, the Excalibur family will finally get it.