Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I understand that it has been like, two weeks since the fact, but that doesn't matter because I am still seriously butthurt by Nastia Thunderstealer Liukin. All summer long, she was all "Please, don't ask me about my comeback. I want all of the attention to go to the real, competing gymnasts." As it should be. What a welcome surprise that was, after the last 2+ years of her trying to play coy. Here's my comeback FX routine, complete with 3 backhandsprings in a row! Johnny R. stole my phone, and "leaked" videos of me doing bars! Here's a picture of a rip on my hand! What does this mean???
My response has always been, "Less talky, more el-grippy."
My annoyed ambivalence turned into annoyed rage in the moments following Team USA's amazing prelims competition. I was literally and figuratively high at 3 o'clock in the morning, due to a combination of painkillers and the stellar 100% hit ratio of the team. No pill will ever make me happier than knowing that Miss Gabrielle Douglas was the 5th best gymnast in the world on that day. My fingers were cramping from having to reload like ten different pages for quickhits every five seconds, but I still managed to update Twitter maniacally. When from upon my Twitter stream should I see waning reports of the historical team competition, and increasing frenzy over something else... whatever was it??
That bitch managed to play coy, keep mum, drag everyone along, whatever you want to call it, for nearly THREE YEARS. And chooses this moment, this ONE MOMENT that had nothing to do with her, and decides to make it all about her. Forget Dougie rocking her meet, or Jordyn qualifying in 2nd (and making UB finals say whaaaa) or Vega overcoming insaneo nerves to nail her shit. It was all about NASTIA.
I mean, I guess Team USA did alright without her. But really, is a team without Nastia really a team? Do results without her name at the top really even count? Probably not.
AND ANOTHER THING! Did she really say that the reason the team did so well was because she gave them a pep talk right beforehand? It was the result of her motivational speech that gave the kids a "light in their eyes." That wasn't a light, that was the reflection of your salmon colored parachute blouse. Stop trying to take credit for shit that you had nothing to do with!
She could have chosen any other moment to make her grand announcement. She could have waited until worlds was over. She could have waited until the day after prelims. She could have waited an HOUR after prelims, but chose not to. Why? Because Nastia (or her agent) needs all of the attention always.
I know I'm being harsh. I actually like Gymnast Nastia. Should she miraculously regain and upgrade her skills, then yay for her. The team would be lucky to have her. THAT SAID, I'll believe when I see it, and until then, STFU.