A random girl's random gymnastics ramblings.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

this is so awkward. i really want you to leave, but i don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.

It is that time of year again.  The time when every single blogger writes about the same thing.  So instead of just ripping off other people's blog ideas and trying to pretend they're brand new, I'm going to do my Thanksgiving post a little differently this year. 

These are the things that I am most definitely NOT thankful for.  I am thankful for all things in the world, sans these few.

1.  Nastia's black heels.


These need to die.  Black heels with pink dress?  Check.  Black heels with torn up acid wash jeans?  Check.  Black heels with shorts?  Check.  I'm sure these are super expensive fancy heels (we know this because she tweets pictures with brand names included) but that doesn't explain the fact that I have the EXACT same pair, and I got mine for $19.99 at Forever 21.  I wore mine one time, and then forgot about them FOREVER, as Nastia needs to do. 

2.  Terrifying vaults. 


I am really tired of holding my breath while watching vault.  I do not want to be terrified while watching a sport I am supposed to enjoy.  This is the same reason I don't watch horror movies.  I do not find terror entertaining. 

3.  Code-whore leaps at the end of tumbling passes.  


Just bring back the fucking LUNGE already!  Someone in charge thought it would be super divine if we got rid of those icky-poo artistic lunges at the end of passes.  So now, everyone is forced to do one of two options: either smash your feet as hard as possible into the mat and hop forward a bunch of times until you stop moving, or leap whichever way gravity allows.  Clearly the concept of a rebound is far outside the WTC's mental capacity.  Would I be upset about more routines having an Atler-esque double stag out of a huge pass?  Absolutely not.  Am I upset about 4 popped half-jumps being muscled after shoddy tumbles?  Yes I am.


4.  Pink leotards and 5. Bent wrists and 6. Butt shelves.


I must not be a #hotpink diva.  Let's just chalk it up to that.  I liked Nastia's light pink leotard from beam finals in 2007.  I thought her 2008 AA leotard worked for her, on that one night.  I have hated every single one I have seen since then.  PINK IS OVER.  It is done.  Let it die. 


She looks like a tree.  This is why we don't have bent wrists.

7.  Sixteen year old temper tantrums.  


Just everything about this.  Not cute. 

8.  Mesh leotards


I have no interest in seeing your bra straps.  Ever.  Why can't they just make that color of fabric without making it see through?  I don't understand this at all. 

So there you have it.  Sometimes we can't be thankful for all of the things.

16 comments:

  1. Great idea. I'm Australian so I don't get the whole thanksgiving thing. I agree completely. I miss lunges a lot. As an Aussie & a person who can see, I am also not thankful for that hideous pink &orange Australian team leotard . I am also not thankful for too high cut leotards. And for that part in FX routines where the gymnast stands in the corner of the floor panting to catch their breath with no choreography at all.

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  2. I love your blog!

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  3. Omg, I LOVE you! This blog-post is just hilarious!

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  4. Hilarious!! I'm in agreement with pink, plus it doesn't suit everyone!

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  5. I totally agree with point 3, i hate those leaps with passions so in consequence I have Mitchell's floor so much. If they're not going to bring the lunge back, please limit the damn jumps to one or give no bonus!

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  6. I definitely agree about the pink, so sick of seeing it especially when it's about the same shade as pepto-bismol! A little lighter (like Nastia's '07 beam finals leo that you mentioned), or a little darker and I might be able to stomach it...no pun intended!

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  7. hahaha hilarious. "She looks like a tree. This is why we don't have bent wrists."

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  8. Hahahah your entire post made me laugh. Especially the "she looks like a tree" one!

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  9. Love your sense of humor! I absolutely agree with everything, of course :)

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  10. hahaha love your blog and this postI I especially agree about the FX and leaps- I love Lauren MItchell but those leaps are really starting to irritate me. And the hotpink divas need to go away. I know these are 16 year old girls but enough already!

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  11. For point 8, I have a MUCH BETTER sample. Go look Ponor's beam exercise at worlds 2011: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvJe4Y6hLw4 and look closely at 0:57 and 1:23.
    The guys at 2:34 seemed really impressed :D

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  12. HAHA, this def made my morning!

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  13. I love your blog. I can't wait for more MIOBI posts.

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  14. I agree with those dame code-whores; Lauren's routine is like nails on a chalkboard imo. I'm throwing my unthankfulness in here too...I'm not thankful for all the Alicia hype on how she's such a strong leader for the team...the chic is the reason the USA lost the gold...eh hem, won silver in 2008. SHE FELL TWICE!! I don't believe she is the best vaulter in the world either. I think lil Miss Maroney is, hands down!

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  15. Pink is my favorite color, but it looks absolutely hideous when it's the hottest fucking hot pink adorned with a billion swarovski crystals, because that's practical. Maybe Nastia's secret plan was to blind her competition in order to make the team.

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