A random girl's random gymnastics ramblings.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

they look like deep fried deep poop.

The Progressive Skating and Gymnastics "Spectacular" was not content to make us watch Nastia prance around in daisy-dukes.  Oh no.  We also had the privilege of watching the beautiful and talented Hollie Vise butcher a real Hollywood classic. 

Marilyn Monroe singing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes is one of the most timeless performances in Hollywood history.  Even if you've never watched anything but Harry Potter your entire life, chances are you still somehow magically know the lyrics to this song.  This image is EVERYWHERE.  I have it as an ornament on my Christmas tree.  This is one of the most popular song-and-dance numbers of all time.

So imagine my excitement when I see Hollie sashay on the floor in a near replica of Marilyn's epic pink dress.

Seems fishy that Nastia would allow Hollie to wear pink in her show, but nevermind all that.  They really went all out, right down to the big ass-bow.  I'm guessing they couldn't find pink gloves, but the white gloves weren't so bad.  Especially compared to the lovely sheer hooker-pumps she got to walk around in.

Marilyn did not wear hooker shoes.  Even these faults did not calm my excitement to see Hollie pull off this iconic routine.  I mean, Marilyn had built-in WOGA choreo!  Buttshelves and everything!

And even WOGA wrists!

The easiest thing in the world for her to do would be to put on a super recognizable pink dress, flex her wrists, stick her ass out, and sashay about.  In other words, do a WOGA routine.  This is all Hollie had to do, and she would have NAILED this number. 

This did not happen.

Don't get me wrong.  We saw the wrists and the shelf.

We also saw Hollie giving what appeared to be a lap dance prior to mounting the beam. 

After which, she does some weird kicky-thing, while the guys stare at her jugs. 

That's not awkward at all.  Slowly but surely, Hollie does make her way onto the beam.  Upon which she busts out some classic Adi Pop choreography, which pretty much consists solely of choo-choo movements. 

And of course, throwing in the random military salute, the quality of which would get me tri-punched by my sister, brother, and fiance if I ever tried it. 

This is followed closely by some Chellsie Memmel inspired booty shaking from what has to be the most unflattering camera angle of all time. 

Hmm, what an interesting angle.  Why in the world would they choose to shoot from here?

Ahhh, you tricky editors!  I see what you did here.  See, in real life, Hollie fell on her front aerial.  But we couldn't have that on TV now could we?  So Hollie had to reshoot at least that portion of the routine, I'm assuming after the audience left.  Which is why she is shot from below, because you can't see that there is no audience.  Very very tricky.

Marilyn didn't get an audience-free reshoot when she faceplanted a curtain in the middle of her number. 

Thus ends my review of this horrible recreation gone wrong.  For the record, I don't blame Hollie, not for one second.  After watching the entirety of the show, it's obvious that choreography, costuming, and song choices were not top priorities.  I imagine it was some combination of artistic direction, who probably though that dressing a gymnast in pink and prancing around in hooker heels would constitute an acceptable number, and Adi Pop, who destroys everything she touches.


  1. It's so rare that one gets a chance to use "hollie vise" and "spectacular" in the same sentence.--ibie

  2. This was a 100% Paul Gay Gay Gay Ziert creation. Tell him how much you loved it and how original it was and he'll be your best friend for life